Looking Back
by slaymaster
Summary: Set three months after Alison DiLaurentis' disappearance, Spencer reflects on the things that have changed and the things that have stayed the same as she tries to reconnect with her old friends.


_This is a one shot (at this stage) from the point of view of Spencer set 3 months after Ali's is not how I planned it to be, initially planning it to be a one shot set after Lady Killer, but the writing went in a different direction. That's the way it goes though!I only intended for it to be a oneshot, but I think I could probably continue it further if people would like me to do so._

Spencer Hastings looked around her bedroom from the vantage point that her desk allowed, taking it all in. It always surprised her that so much could change, yet everything could stay exactly the same. As she glanced around her room she took in all the details, remembering the day she picked out the floral wallpaper and begged her mother for it, swearing she wouldn't find it babyish later on. She remembered the Christmas her older sister Melissa had given her the metal 'S' silhouette that hung from the light fixture near the door. Finally, as she saw the photos on her duchess, she remembered the day that Aria Montgomery, one of her best friends, had presented her with a handmade photo frame, complete with a picture of the five girls at the beach. Spencer stood up, walking towards the photos. Her duchess was neat and almost empty, save for the two photo frames and a small jewellery box. On the left was a simple, but gorgeous, Tiffany & Co sterling silver photo frame, displaying the latest Hasting family photo. On the right side was Aria's frame.

It had been months since Spencer had allowed herself to take more than a cursory glance at the photo; doing so hurt too much. She took a deep breath, picking up the beaded and glittery frame and taking it with her to the four poster bed that took up the middle of her room. Spencer placed it on the bed, taking the hair tie from her wrist and tying her hair up. She collapsed onto the bed and grabbed the photo, taking a good look at it for the first time in months. The photo was taken by a photographer from the Rosewood Observer as part of a series of summer snaps a few years previously. Spencer remembered the day clearly. She had worn a black bikini and lay on a towel, making the most of the sun. Alison sat in the middle of the group, wearing a strapless light pink bikini. It was gorgeous and Spencer had wanted to buy the exact one, but Ali had told her she wouldn't pull it off. Emily, Aria and Hanna had worn shirts rather than bikinis, but they all looked gorgeous. The beach would never have been Spencer's first choice of outing, and she knew that Hanna was uncomfortable, but Ali had insisted. Whatever Ali wanted, Ali got.

Spencer blinked back a tear as Ali came to mind. It wasn't that she had forgotten Alison DiLaurentis, but more that she didn't allow her friend to be at the forefront of her mind. If Spencer allowed herself to accept reality, she knew that she would fall apart. As much as she wanted to let herself wallow, it was easier for her to disconnect, convincing herself that Ali had snuck off, landing in a glamorous alternative life. Opening her eyes and again looking at the photo, Spencer remembered what Alison had said that day at the beach and how she had romanticised a mysterious death, _"It's immortality, my darlings,"_ she had remarked.

"Or that," she murmured to herself. As much as she wished that Ali was shopping on the Champs Elysee, Spencer wasn't dumb. Even after only three months, Spencer knew the likely reality. Alison DiLaurentis had probably gotten her wish.

Hearing a loud noise from next door, Spencer stood up from her bed and placed the frame on her bedside table. It was out of character for her to fail to put something in _exactly_ the same place as it had been, but she silently decided that it would be nice to see her friends more often, if only in a photo.

She smoothed her skirt as she dashed to the window by her desk. She knew that it was moving day, but over the past three months, rushing to see whatever she could in the DiLaurentis house had become an instinct. As she had thought, it was nothing more than the movers.

Spencer was sad that the long-time neighbours were leaving Rosewood, but it did not surprise her. For three months, everything she had done triggered memories of Ali and her heart ached. Even field hockey reminded her of Alison, even though Ali had despised sports. In fact, the sole time Spencer remembered Ali taking any interest in the sport was one afternoon, asking Spencer to show her how to play. Although she had never asked, and Ali had never told, Spencer suspected the motive behind the sudden interest. She frowned as the memory reminded her of the promises they had made over summer, and how Ali was gone. If being in Rosewood hurt so much for Spencer, she could only imagine how bad it was for Ali's parents.

Spencer sat down at her desk, still able to see out the window. It was midday, so closing the curtain was not an option. As much as she wanted to think about Alison and watch the action next door, she had work to do. In the next week, she had a French test, economics quiz and an English paper due. She was confident, and her paper was almost complete, but there was always room for improvement. She had work to do.

After an hour of conjugating French verbs, Spencer's stomach brought her back to reality. She took a sip of water from the water bottle next to her, swished it around her mouth and swallowed. Reaching for her laptop, she took a moment to log onto her Facebook account to see whether anything notable had happened. Melissa had changed her relationship status to 'in a relationship', something she already knew. She hadn't met the guy, but Melissa couldn't stop bragging about how smart the guy was. Emily Fields, one of her old friends, had been tagged in some photos from Friday's swim-meet. Spencer looked through the pictures, noticing that Em looked pretty close to one of the boys from the team in multiple photos, _'Sam? Bently? Ben?' _Spencer thought to herself, reaching for her phone to ring Emily to suss out the gossip. She was about to press call, before realising how long it had been since either one had rang the other. It wasn't that the two weren't close, but they just hadn't really had the time lately. She rethought the call, instead deciding on a text instead; "Hey Em! How are you? Haven't seen you for a while, coffee this week? X Spence"

Putting down her phone, Spencer started looking through more photos from the meet. She saw Hanna sitting next to Mona in the background of one of the photos. Like Emily, Hanna had idolised Ali, but while Emily had just wanted Ali to like her, Hanna had wanted to be just like Ali. Similar phrases but radically different reality. Since Ali's disappearance, Hanna had worked hard to radically change who she was. She had lost weight and stopped covering up so much. She wasn't radically different from the Hanna that Spencer had known, but there was something different about her. Spencer had seen Hanna shopping a handful of times in the past few weeks. For the last two months, Hanna and Mona had been joined at the hip. Spencer thought they had always been friends, but this was a new level of closeness. It seemed as if Ali's disappearance had given Hanna renewed confidence. The last time they had chatted was at the mall, and Spencer had come across Hanna while she was looking for a new dress last week. Hanna had a specific idea of what she wanted in the dress, and Spencer was doubtful she could find it in Rosewood. Again reaching for her mobile, Spencer typed up a quick message to her old pal; "Hi Hanna! How did you go in your quest for the dress? Manage to find something that met the criteria? X Spence"

Putting down her phone, Spencer closed the swim meet photos and decided to round out the trifecta by looking at Aria's profile. Aria's father, Byron, a professor at Hollis College, had whisked the family off to Iceland for his sabbatical less than a month after Ali's disappearance. Aria had gathered the girls and told them as a group, swearing that it had nothing to do with Ali, but Spencer doubted it. Byron may have considered Iceland before the events of the summer, but no plans emerged until Ali was gone. For the two months that Aria had been gone, she posted a handful of photos daily, mainly candid street photography, although there were a few self-portraits scattered through. Spencer had to admit, Aria had a great eye and she wanted to see if there were any new snaps, but there didn't seem to be any additions. Reminiscing, Spencer wrote a quick message on Aria's wall; "Sæl Aria! How is Europe treating you? I'm loving the photos, especially the ones from Paris last week! I hope you made it to Laduree! Rosewood is not the same without you guys here! X Spence"

To most observers, Spencer's message would appear to be nothing more than a girl missing the Montgomery family. Only Spencer, Aria, Emily and Hanna would know the reality; Spencer missed more than just Aria, she missed Ali too.


End file.
